Yesterday I wrote about the sand painting created on the boulder along the Urubamba River on the last day at Machu Picchu. Still connected to that depiction of my archetypal journey, I now “see” it with new eyes.
A New Map
Using the Tarot as a metaphor: I came into this lifetime The Fool, pure and innocent without judgment or fear. Within 21 months my life was fast forwarded to Death/Rebirth, a part of my soul split away and hid in the dark recesses of the Lower World (Uhupacha) with the memory trapped in my unconscious mind. Unknowingly, while that event shattered my outward life, it also signaled the start of an initiation process and set the stage for my spiritual quest for wholeness.
Raised in the loving embrace of my aunt-mother and uncle-father, my childhood was influenced by personalities as different as night and day (Temperance). Uncertain of life’s rules, my soul-Self (panay) was held captive by The Devil, hidden in a subterranean lair built by unconscious fears. At sixteen, feeling a desperate need to leave home and search for something I could not articulate, I began my journey towards The Tower. Franconia College provided my liberation at seventeen. It was the radical change I yearned for, and that toppled the too narrow and restrictive consensual reality in which I had been raised. Art became my principal form of expression and the cloak under which I wrapped myself.
Over the next twenty-five years The Star provided a sometimes bright and at other time faint beacon that kept presenting opportunities to awaken to the illusion of separation — and remember that everything is connected: All is One. My relationship to Rick, which started at Franconia College, has challenged many of my deepest and strongest held beliefs and fears, and has provided countless opportunities to grow and evolve, as did my professional career in arts administration and community relations.
Meanwhile, The Moon provided its own cycles of illumination and darkness, including the ultimate threshold for fear — cancer. But, just as the moon wanes, it also waxes casting its light for me to see the path back to my quest. Instinctively knowing that mine is a spiritual path, I am committed to delving into the darkest reaches of my unconsciousness to discover and refine the beliefs that organize my reality; and, more than anything, even life, to become fully conscious.
Have I reached The Sun? Can I claim a reconciliation and rebirth of lightheartedness and, as the Q’ero would say, “To fully enjoy life?” To be absolutely honest, only for moments at a time. Still, I hold the vision of life beyond fear, consciousness beyond death. Each day I actively take baby steps to reconcile the separation inherent in dualistic thinking. I strive to remember wholeness so little by little I may embody the seven saiwas or organizing principles — cheka, kausay, kollary, munay, nüna, yüya and chullya — that are articulated in the exquisite cosmology of the Andean medicine tradition.
What I have come to know is that it is possible to live passionately without attachment to outcome. So, too, it is possible to be aware of the present moment so we may consciously choose to mediate thoughts and actions through an open and loving heart. I hold the vision of someday living unconditionally in every moment. But for now, I experience delight in recognizing when I do, even for just a brief moment.